Sean Dunn Flung a Flaccid Foot Long

They say truth is stranger than fiction, and they may be right. Yesterday, in our nation’s capital, now former DoJ employee Sean Dunn made a stand against fascism. He didn’t march and carry signs and chant catchy slogans. He didn’t don a black mask and charge with Antifa into the fray to besiege federal buildings. He found his own niche, a hill all his own to die on. D.C. police have charged him with a felony for his actions and, as mentioned above, he has been terminated from his employment with the Department of Justice.

And what exactly did Mr. Sean Dunn do? He assaulted a customs officer. Some might say it’s crazy to attack a federal agent considering the inevitable punitive consequences, and they would be right. It was a crazy thing to do. Some might say it was a valiant blow struck against an oppressive system of patriarchs and oligarchs and bigots and so on. Those people are wrong.

And how exactly did Sean Dunn go about assaulting the customs officer? Did he lob a Molotov cocktail? Did he hurl a brick? No, no, no… Sean Dunn’s weapon of choice is emblematic of a world in which reality and satire have become indistinguishable from one another. Sean Dunn attacked the customs officer with a sandwich.

A Subway sandwich, to be precise. I don’t know if we’ll ever discover what kind of sandwich it was that he wasted. It probably wasn’t the Elite Chicken and Bacon Ranch; a loony lefty would never eat any meal that even alludes to the preeminence of the powers-that-be. It could have been the Outlaw, but that might be making too great an assumption about how much premeditation went into this silly act of quasi-violent protest. It was probably a foot-long Veggie Delite.

(This might be a ludicrous aside, but doesn’t it strike you as being a little out of touch for a left-wing bleeding heart to waste a perfectly good sandwich when there are starving children in Africa? Sally Struthers is rolling over in her grave. Is Sally Struthers dead? I’m not going to take the time to fact-check it; the point has been made.)

Prior to hurling the flaccid foot-long, Sean is reported to have shouted: "f*** you! You f***ing fascists! Why are you here? I don’t want you in my city!" And the rest is history. What seems to have not crossed Sean Dunn’s mind is that if this were a fascist dictatorship, he’d be dead already. The not-so-secret police would have either killed him on the spot, or he would have dug his own grave in the woods somewhere, the whole time crying for his mommy and begging for mercy and wetting his skinny jeans.

This is what we’re up against. Sandwich-flinging deviants who have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about. I doubt this individual incident was a premeditated act of “violence,” which makes it both better and worse. Sure, there was no conspiracy to commit a sandwich attack; I guess that’s good? Instead, this was a spontaneous tantrum which speaks volumes about the mental and emotional state of the rank-and-file left. They are unthinking children who do not contemplate the consequences of their juvenile behavior before they start throwing their crap around. They are completely without compunction and self-control.

And let’s not forget… He was working in our government. How many more of these idiotic freaks are pulling levers behind the scenes?