Little Robert Reich Reaches Rock Bottom

There are a variety of grotesque creatures in the menagerie of the left: ogres such as John Fetterman, harpies like Airhead Ocasio-Cortez, sewer-dwelling trolls in the person of Chuck Schumer, and corpse-devouring ghouls like Rosa DeLauro. Of all these vile villains, my favorite might be none other than hobgoblin Robert Reich—a fairy tale economist with the stature of a child and delusions of grandeur, all forever out of his reach.

Once upon a time, Robert Reich was a senior economist in the Clinton administration. That was his fifteen minutes of fame, and, like all washed-up has-beens and never-weres, he can’t quite let go of the glory days when what he said actually mattered. The poor little guy outlived his relevance almost thirty years ago. Long gone are the days when he could piggyback on Slick Willy’s presidential bully pulpit. It’s been over for decades, though he seems to be the last to find out. No one’s sent him the memo yet. I suppose that’s what this screed is meant to be.

Little Robert stays busy, infecting the reels and newsfeeds of millions across the magical land of social media. I follow him on Facebook because it brings me joy to knock him down a peg or two in the comments section—though honestly, he doesn’t have many pegs left to fall. It’s a pathetic spectacle: a diminutive little menace playing the part of elder statesman on Facebook in exchange for the adoration of his braindead cadre of limp-wrist admirers.

It’s performance art, really: trite platitudes about oligarchy and threats to democracy, the same old tired anti-Trump blather most Americans have long since tuned out. So on and so forth. But the rank-and-file looney left eats it up with a spoon and pukes it back out on their profiles, in their posts, and on the placards they brandish at their miserable little hate rallies.

It must be a nice ego trip for the little fella. But what Robert Reich really wants—what every gruesome leftist really wants—is power. He’s gotten as close to it as he’ll ever come, thank God. And he keeps grasping at it, bless his warped little heart, but he’s only preaching to the choir. His fans are the ones who’d never vote for Trump or Republicans in the first place. They already despise us, they're a lost cause, so fuck ’em.

Robert Reich hasn’t changed a thing, and he never will. He’s an impotent little monster, capable of nothing more than making noise, making mischief, and making himself appear to us normal people as a mere miniature guest in the folklore of our nation’s politics. He’s overstayed his welcome and should close that big wet hole in the middle of his fiendish little face. But he won’t. He wouldn't be much of a monster if he did the right thing.

And they all lived happily ever after?