Travel Blog: Regyna Goes to China

My name is Regyna Parker, I’m a BBW, non-binary, and my pronouns are zhe/zher. It took a lot of screaming and foot-stamping and headlocks, but I finally convinced the white male cis-gendered pigs who run this website to give me the safe space I deserve to share with you people all my adventures traveling the world! So here it is, my very own Travel Blog!

You see, America is a repressive and regressive hell hole and you people could learn a thing or two from me. I’m better traveled than you bigots and so you better take the time to read my journal, so you don’t die like a bunch of ignorant savages. I’m here to enlighten you and I can’t wait to see all the fan mail I get from the rednecks and rubes who will thank me for the service I’m performing. I should be charging money for this!

So here goes! I’m documenting my trip to China in real time, day by day, with voice to text, so it’ll be like you’re coming along on the trip with me!

Day One - 10:30am

I landed in Beijing and as soon as I got to my hotel room I contacted Mei Ling, a woman I’ve been online “pen pals” with for a couple of years. When I called her a few weeks ago and told her I was coming to China she seemed kind of nervous and told me it may not be a good idea, but I didn’t let her discourage me because I’m SO excited about going to a place where communism empowers the working class and marginalized people, just like us women! And besides, China rhymes with Regyna! So cool!

Day One- 10:35am

For the money I paid I expected something a little closer to five star service, but this hotel is a pig stye!

Day One - 12:13pm

Mei Ling is going to meet me for lunch any minute now and I’m so excited! I have all sorts of plans for how she and I can organize an impromptu “Womyn’s March Against the Patriarchy” on Wangfujing Street!

Day One - 12:48pm

A pair of rude men in suits, who I assume are cigs-gendered, approached my table and asked me all sorts of questions about Mei Ling! I told them it was none of their damn business and I won't explain myself to a couple of ignorant men! I demanded to know where Mei Ling was and they told me I wouldn’t be hearing from her again. The patriarchy doesn’t respect national borders I guess, China has a lot more work to do than I thought, but that’s why I’m here! I’m here to help teach them about progress and women’s rights!

Day One - 1:32pm

The two men in suits followed me back to my hotel, I think they got a room next door to mine! Busy bodies! After all this excitement I need some beauty sleep! Time for a kitty kat nap!

Day One - 8:06pm

They followed me to a local restaurant! They’re taking notes as I explain feminism to my waiter who speaks very broken English. I think he’s just pretending to not understand. Men!

Day One - 8:33pm

IS THIS A VIOLATION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION??? THEY’RE SERVING ME DOG MEAT!!! THEY WANT ME TO EAT BULLFROG STIR FRY????? YOU CAN’T EAT KERMIT YOU MONSTERS!!! WHERE THE HELL IS MCDONALD’S???

Day One - 9:07pm

I have a bumper sticker on my EV that says “Down with corporate greed!” Everyone knows that corporations are destroying the environment! But everywhere I look in this place there are luxury malls and mega-corporations! There’s an Apple store! I use an iPhone, sure, but China is supposed to stand against corporate globalist expansion! I have sooooo much work to do here! Down with the profit motive!

Day One - 10:01pm

Back in my crappy hotel room, the two men from lunch are DEFINITELY next door spying on me. I’ll give them a show tomorrow when I go to that silly Tiananmen Square where some people did some things like a hundred years ago. First I need to tear this room apart and find the hidden cameras… probably in the bathroom so they can watch me in the shower, but joke’s on them! I haven’t showered in years! Ha!

Day Two - 7:00am

I’m getting an early start! I have my signs all made up: Down with corporate imperialism! Down with capitalist exploitation! They took my megaphone at the airport but I can bellow with the best of them! I can’t wait to see the crowd I draw to my impromptu demonstration!

Day Two - 7:49am

I’m getting a big crowd alright! People are taking pictures and video and they’re all pointing and staring at me! This is exactly what I want! I want to get as much attention as I can! I’m chanting “Down with men! Up with Mao!” and “Property is theft! Patriarchy is murder!” and my favorite “No more bros! No more CEOs!” I should definitely get paid for this!

Day Two - 7:51am

Oh great! Some guys in uniform are taking my signs and demanding my papers! Don’t they see what I’m trying to do??? I’m teaching them about their horrible system of capitalist exploitation and the patriarchy! Don’t they–

Day Three - 1:27am

They just let me out of the prison! They had me detained all freakin’ day! They took my camera and they’re guarding me at the airport, they say I have to go on a plane back to the horrible United States now! They say I’m banned from coming back! How can they do this to me? Don’t they understand I’m on their side? I don’t want to go back to America! It’s so backwards and regressive there and they don’t respect my right to assemble and to speak my mind! America is so terrible!